Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
