tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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