____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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