Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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