My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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