I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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