Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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