I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
