the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
