i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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