i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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