I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
