I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
