She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize