Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
