I'm sorry my penis didn't work
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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