So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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