one might say we're banned from that church
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
