You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
