Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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