Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
