Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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