My underwear smells like fireworks.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
