I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
