If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize