He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
