shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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