my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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