I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
