ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need water and some morals
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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