Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
