he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
