So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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