so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
