last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
