i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
