made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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