i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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