Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
