you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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