Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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