Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
