oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
