i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
