I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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