Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
