Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
