You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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