Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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