i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
