I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
