i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
