I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
