need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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