ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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