Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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