i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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