i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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