foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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