I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
