Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
