And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
