The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
