So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
