Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
