haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
