I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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