and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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