boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
