break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
from now on my penis is your penis
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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