Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
