I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
