I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
