I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
