So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
