he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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