i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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