when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
