So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
