then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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