guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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