I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
