Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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