It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
