then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
