she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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