I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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