You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
