so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
