I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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