You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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