He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
