a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
