I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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