he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
