Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
