who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want nice things and good sex
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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